Yesterday in my common poly myths article, I wrote a short segment about how love is not finite. I wanted to expand on that in today’s article with an analogy I heard of once (and I apologise to whomever’s analogy this is, but I can’t remember where it was said so I can’t reference it!).
Love is not like a glass of water, where if you empty some into a second glass, there will be less in the first.
I can completely relate to this analogy, as would any mother who has more than one child. You don’t have a set amount of love to give out, which must be divided among partners. When I began dating Aidan, the love I had for Ash in our existing relationship didn’t diminish, but on the contrary it expanded. Ash and I found a new importance in communication, setting aside time just for each other and negotiating boundaries in ways that wouldn’t be possible in monogamy. Our relationship and love for each other grew.
But as I also mentioned in my previous article, while love is infinite, time, energy and resources are not. Polyamory requires a heck of a lot of scheduling and planning to make sure we all get to spend enough time with each other. It also doesn’t help that Aidan, being a baker, is mostly nocturnal. But we all care for each other, so we put in the extra effort. So while it’s true I don’t get to spend as much time with either of the boys as I would if I were only dating one of them, it does make the time we do have together all the more special.
Thanks for reading!