Ah, it’s that time of year again. Everywhere you go, you see overpriced gifts, decorations made from highly toxic materials, and psychotic shoppers taking unnecessarily extreme lengths to find the right kind of wrapping paper. I fucking hate Christmas.
Well, maybe not all of it. What I really hate is the commercialism of it all. The closest thing we have to a Christmas tree is a cactus Ash and I received as a gift and has since been left to rot, I don’t recall where. There are things I love about Christmas though. I’m not ashamed to say that the main thing is the food. And even though it’s cliche, bringing the whole family together for a special occasion is really nice too.
This year is more hectic than ever, because there are four people and four families to keep track of. Oh, and three of those people have divorced parents, so that means separate gatherings for mums and dads. Between the four of us, there are seven gatherings. Over a period of three days.
But the one I’m looking forward to the most is our own little poly Christmas. On Christmas night, the four of us are free to spend the evening together. We’ve planned a roast dinner, games and movies, which is about as perfect as it can get for us. It will be nice to be in each other’s company between the chaos of visiting all the relatives.
So I thought it was about time I wrote a little about how things are going with the newest member of our family.
Honestly, I’ve never had a friend like her. We just share so many interests – the kinds of interests that are so specific or obscure that we rarely find anyone else to talk about them with. It makes communication really easy. If something important comes up, it’s never awkward striking up a conversation out of the blue. And if there’s a problem we need to discuss, we can sort it out then smoothly segway into a happier topic.
So I’ve never had even the smallest issue with her on a personal level. But as is to be expected, polyamory makes emotions a little more complex. Although I’ve always been comfortable with the idea of sharing a partner with someone else, this is the first time I’ve had a proper metamour. And I’ve been dealing with a lot of new emotions and thoughts which I wasn’t expecting. But it’s helped me grow as a person. It’s helped me pinpoint why I feel uncomfortable about certain things, and it’s forced me to tackle my fear and uncertainty head on.
One thing I learned from all this was that most of my jealousy/discomfort came from a fear of the unknown. I wasn’t afraid of something bad happening; I was scared because I didn’t know what was going to happen, be it good, bad or neutral. When you break down your emotions like this, it becomes so much easier to deal with. Unfortunately, I can’t see into the future, so I can’t just find out what’s going to happen and settle my fears that way. I have to take a different approach. I’ve been encouraging schedules and structure between the three of us so that we can set goals and make short-term plans. I’ve also made an effort to communicate with both Aidan and Rose, so that we can discuss hypotheticals and how we can overcome possible problems.
So I’ve been able to ease my mind a bit with these strategies. But there still is (and probably will always be) a certain degree of fear, uncertainty and jealousy that I will experience. That’s the main thing I’ve learned; being polyamorous doesn’t mean you don’t get jealous or scared. It means that you find ways to deal with your emotions via communication and compromise, so that they don’t become an issue in your relationship.