So I thought it was about time I wrote a little about how things are going with the newest member of our family.
Honestly, I’ve never had a friend like her. We just share so many interests – the kinds of interests that are so specific or obscure that we rarely find anyone else to talk about them with. It makes communication really easy. If something important comes up, it’s never awkward striking up a conversation out of the blue. And if there’s a problem we need to discuss, we can sort it out then smoothly segway into a happier topic.
So I’ve never had even the smallest issue with her on a personal level. But as is to be expected, polyamory makes emotions a little more complex. Although I’ve always been comfortable with the idea of sharing a partner with someone else, this is the first time I’ve had a proper metamour. And I’ve been dealing with a lot of new emotions and thoughts which I wasn’t expecting. But it’s helped me grow as a person. It’s helped me pinpoint why I feel uncomfortable about certain things, and it’s forced me to tackle my fear and uncertainty head on.
One thing I learned from all this was that most of my jealousy/discomfort came from a fear of the unknown. I wasn’t afraid of something bad happening; I was scared because I didn’t know what was going to happen, be it good, bad or neutral. When you break down your emotions like this, it becomes so much easier to deal with. Unfortunately, I can’t see into the future, so I can’t just find out what’s going to happen and settle my fears that way. I have to take a different approach. I’ve been encouraging schedules and structure between the three of us so that we can set goals and make short-term plans. I’ve also made an effort to communicate with both Aidan and Rose, so that we can discuss hypotheticals and how we can overcome possible problems.
So I’ve been able to ease my mind a bit with these strategies. But there still is (and probably will always be) a certain degree of fear, uncertainty and jealousy that I will experience. That’s the main thing I’ve learned; being polyamorous doesn’t mean you don’t get jealous or scared. It means that you find ways to deal with your emotions via communication and compromise, so that they don’t become an issue in your relationship.