Warts and all

Despite being slow on the updates lately, a lot has been happening in our little family. Over the past month, Aidan and I have done a lot of learning and a lot of growing.

I decided I wanted a short-term casual relationship on the side, and I ended up meeting someone I liked pretty quickly. I grabbed it with both hands and ran with it. That’s kind of a personality quirk of mine; I’m spontaneous and often find myself knee-deep in something before I’ve really thought it through. Sometimes it’s a good thing, and sometimes it’s not so good.

In this case, I was moving too fast for Aidan to really be comfortable with it. So after much negotiating, compromising, talking and (I won’t lie) a bit of fighting, we decided it had to end. I think everything’s back to normal now, but it’s sure been a hell of a ride. I learned a lot about Aidan and his core values, in ways I’d never have known if we hadn’t had this experience. That’s what I love about polyamory: it opens up issues that one wouldn’t experience in monogamy, so it means you learn things about your partner you’d have never known otherwise. So even though this whole experience has been…. somewhat negative, Aidan and I have come out on top, knowing more about each other than before. And that, I think, is the only real way a relationship can grow.

I also learned a few things about myself, and how I feel about polyamory. Since getting into it, I’ve kind of romanticised it, making it seem like all sunshine and roses. And for some reason, I found it really important that everyone around me see it as sunshine and roses too. I wanted people to see what polyamory is at its best; what it can be. But only showing the good side is just setting up for disappointment. And I think I am finally starting to accept polyamory for what it is, warts and all. I want to start showing people the negative sides too, because without them, you don’t grow and develop your relationship in that special way that only polyamory can bring.

Polyamory definitely has its downs, and sometimes the low points can be worse than in other kinds of relationships. But if you are strong enough to get through those low times, you will be rewarded with high points you could never dream of in monogamy.

-Emma

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