Just an update

So, it’s been a while. I never wanted to stop posting here, but life got in the way. Ash and I are running a business together, which is the main reason I haven’t had the time or energy to blog. But I still get new comments and followers on this blog from time to time, so I figured I at least owe you guys an “I’m not dead” post.

Aidan and I stayed good friends. He is back together with Rose and their relationship has being going strong for almost a year!

My relationship with Ash is still as good as ever, although running a business has left us both stressed and has lead to some petty fights. I guess having something that takes up all your time and energy, but that you still love and have pride in creating, is a lot like having a child. A practice run, maybe?

Of course we are still polyamorous. I have been seeing someone casually, which has been going on for about a year now. There are definitely romantic feelings involved, but we haven’t made anything “official”. So it’s not quite ‘friends with benefits’, but its not quite a relationship either. But that doesn’t bother me. In my experience, its best just to let a relationship be what it is, rather than trying to fit it into a mould and labelling it. We’re all happy, and that’s what matters right now.

Eventually I’ll write up all those articles I’ve been promising, and I definitely want to continue my little #JustPolyThings project… Speaking of which, if you have any ideas, send them in and I’ll draw a cartoon and post it to my blog!

That’s all for now. Thanks to all my extremely patient followers for your continued support :)

-Emma

 

 

 

 

Accidentally an advocate

I won’t lie, I did consider shutting down this blog after I’d announced that Aidan and I broke up. But within hours of posting that blog entry, I got an email from someone on ABC local radio who wanted me to do an interview on polyamory. This wouldn’t be the first time someone has contacted me and asked me to talk about polyamory on a semi-official platform. And that’s when I realised that my experiences and opinions are still relevant to the poly community. Through creating this blog and making my story public, I’ve accidentally become an advocate of polyamory, and now I feel somewhat obligated to continue. Not that I don’t want to of course- there are so few people who are out there educating people about polyamory, and it’s something I want to see more of. Why not me?

I still have dozens of blog entry ideas. Polyamory is such a broad topic, and there is always more to learn. Even though I’ve let myself get a little slack with the frequency of updates, I’ve decided that there’s too much still to be said to not continue blogging!

As for the radio interview? I ultimately had to decline as I had a cold, and would have sounded terrible on air. But if things continue the way they have been, it probably won’t be the last time I have another chance to talk about polyamory.

-Emma

How our family came to be (part 2/2) – with an unexpected ending

No, it’s not a joke this time. Our time together as a triad has come to an end, but I am by no means monogamous now! I drafted today’s post quite a while ago, but when I started it, I had no idea the story would end with Aidan and I parting ways. But life is funny. It never turns out how you expect, you know? Here’s part two – the final chapter – of our story.

Aidan and I were very vague acquaintances online – he’d seen some of my artwork, and we’d crossed paths in various gaming communities. I’m not sure if it was a subconscious decision – or just coincidence – that around the time Ash and I decided we were polyamorous, Aidan and I started talking on Skype. A lot.

At the time, we lived on opposite ends of the state, so we began to video chat every day. We started to fall for each other very quickly. What came next was so perfect it seemed to come straight out of a romantic comedy. Aidan and I finally confessed our love for one another – and that very night, Ash came home and told me he had a job offer in Hobart. Where AIDAN LIVED!

It was almost too good to be true, but thankfully there was no big catch. Aidan and I started going on dates, and around the same time, Ash and Aidan started talking to each other. Having so many interests in common, they immediately became close friends. I was so happy I couldn’t even describe it. The two people I loved got along like a house on fire, and wanted to spend time together, both alone and with me. That’s when I realised this could really work. Having that respect for each other made communication and dealing with jealousy super smooth. A good foundation for a new poly family.

Not long after that, Aidan asked me out and we became an official polyamorous triad. I expected some awkwardness at first, but there was hardly any. We all settled into our new roles pretty comfortably. The honeymoon stage left us all glowing with happiness.

Like it does with every relationship, the NRE slowly wore off. But that was when we started seeing the relationship realistically, and we were all still happy with it. And that’s how it stayed for a long time.

On paper, the relationship was perfect. But there was an issue that kept coming up, and got more serious as time went on. And that was, that Aidan and I were just too similar. We are both passionate about our views and made them heard. We are both stubborn, and let little things get to us. The result was a lot of petty fights.

The relationship started out strong, and those fights didn’t bother us at first. But after three years together, I noticed some of those fights were stemming from deeper issues. And because we both have inflated egos, neither of us wanted to admit that we were wrong. When our emotional minds got in the way of our rationality, it became hard to communicate and we got into petty habits like getting jealous, stretching the truth and expecting each to read the other’s mind. These were all things I was aware I’d done in the past, and thought I’d overcome. But I guess being polyamorous doesn’t make you perfect, and it doesn’t stop your emotions from getting in the way.

Aidan was prepared to work on things and see if they got better, but I didn’t feel the same. I felt like if we continued, it might be better in the short term, but things would just revert back to being crap. And so I was the one who initiated the break up. That’s something I’ve never done before, and hoped never to do. It made things harder for Aidan, which played on my conscience a lot.

It’s now been about a month since we officially split. Things have started looking up for both of us. I feel like a weight’s been lifted off my shoulders, and I feel better about my decision now that the dust has settled. Things have been a little tense between us, but I think we can continue to be good friends in the long term.

Ash and I are still together and there haven’t been any issues between us throught the whole ordeal. In fact, Ash has been a godsend in that he’s been able to mediate and help us to keep the fights from getting too bad. That’s just one more benefit to polyamory- Aidan’s had a close friend and I’ve had a loving partner to help us through the split.

So, that’s the lowdown. It’s not that polyamory doesn’t work; I wouldn’t even say it’s not for me. It’s just a chapter in my life that ended in an unexpected way. But it’s made me grow as a person – cliché, but true. I’ve learned a lot about myself I couldn’t have ever learned in monogamy. And I think I can speak for Aidan when I say he has, too.

Polyamory is still part of who I am – having only one partner doesn’t make me any less poly than being single makes you less hetero or homosexual. And for that reason I plan to continue posting on TTND, but perhaps a little less often. See you around!

-Emma

One year of TTND!

I actually made an entry every month for a whole year!! (only just… some of my entries were posted in the last few hours of the month). Thanks to all my followers who have given me the motivation and inspiration to keep up with this. I have big plans for this blog over the coming year, so stay tuned!

17

-Emma

Shutting down blog

God, just when you think you know someone, you find out they’ve been lying to you the whole time. Turns out Aidan was just using me to get to Ashley.

I always new Ash was bisexual, but I never would have guessed Aidan was actually gay. I honestly didn’t suspect a thing. Out of the blue last night, the boys broke the news to me. They sat me down and said ‘we need to talk.’ At first I thought they were being silly. But as I listened on I knew it was all true. The signs were there, I just didn’t pick them up. All those times they blew me off to ‘play games together’…. All those dinners out where I was unknowingly the third wheel.

It’s funny, at first I was excited. I thought, ‘wow, we can have a delta triad where we all love each other!’. But it wasn’t long before it hit me. They didn’t want me to be apart of their new relationship.

Oh, come on. I didn’t really trick you did I? Don’t you know what the date is today? Also, in reality the boys are both straight as an arrow… thought I should clear that up!

14

-Emma

Talking to acquaintances about polyamory

Ahhh, did I say I was going to update every single day? That was a bad typo on my part. What I actually meant to write was, “I’m unbelievably lazy and I’ll update whenever I feel like it, probably no more than a few times a month”. It’s funny how a few incorrect letters can change the whole meaning of a sentence, isn’t it?

So, to business. This topic has been on my mind for a while, since as I’ve started university recently and I find myself interacting with the human race a lot more than I used to. The last time I talked to strangers about my relationship(s) was in high school, and that was easy because I would just talk about my one partner and nobody would bat an eyelid.

Now I want you to think back to before you knew anything about polyamory. You’re chatting with someone you’ve just met, and the topic of relationships comes up. “Do you have a partner at the moment?” you ask casually. “Oh, I actually have two.”

Say what?

This seems to be an increasingly common scenario in my current life. And for me, the concept is so normal and mundane I often forget that most people haven’t even heard of polyamory. The next two or three hours of the conversation are usually spent explaining how I can be having sex with two guys without either of them wanting to rip the other’s jugular out.8

It can be exhausting explaining it over and over. You might be wondering why I even bother to tell people at all when I could just answer with “I’m in a relationship” and not be lying. For the first year or so of being polyamorous, that’s exactly what I did. But I hated pretending to be someone I wasn’t. And more importantly, I learned a lesson. That is, the longer you know someone, the harder it becomes to tell them that you’re actually a freak. I have a few friends who, to this day, don’t know I have two partners. Whenever I talk about Aidan or Ash I just say “my partner”, leaving them with a weird hybrid impression of both of them as the same person. Which leads to another problem: “Wait, you said your partner is a librarian? I thought you said he was a baker?”

So as time went on, I started telling people at the earliest possible convenience. Even though I am putting myself out there as a poly person and will thereafter be judged as such, it saves a lot of stress later on, especially if that acquaintance becomes a friend. And it also filters out those superficial people who only want to be your friend if they think you’ll be a good-looking accessory at their dinner parties.

Stay tuned!

-Emma

Dear internet,

Welcome to my slice of WordPress, a blog about the family life of a polyamorus triad. That means that I (Emma) am dating two men at the same time (Aidan and Ashley). The guys are not involved with each other, though they are best friends and treat each other like brothers.

Now depending on how much you know about the concept of polyamory, that will either sound all well and good, or completely freaky. No matter which end of the spectrum you’re on, I hope you will find this blog an interesting read, and maybe learn a few things! I plan to write articles about my/our views on anything relationship or polyamory related, how our lives work together, and the various shenanigans we get up to.

This happens to be my first ever blog, so I’ve spent the better part of this week avoiding study researching blogs thoroughly. Reading what I’ve written so far, I guess my writing style feels a little stiff, but I expect I’ll ease into a more natural style as I start to post more and get some feedback (which I’d really, really love!).

So I’ll leave it as a short introduction for now. I still have to figure out what all the little buttons do on my WordPress dashboard.

Ciao!
-Emma