How to have a poly wedding

Ash and I were already engaged when I met Aidan. As young teens we always talked about having a white wedding and starting a family. When Ash popped out a ring, I was happier than I’d ever been (so happy that I started crying and forgot to say yes for about five minutes).

But things changed when Aidan and I hit the two year mark, and we realised that this was going to be a long-term thing. At first we agreed that Ash and I would have a wedding as planned, and later down the track Aidan and I would have a private exchanging of vows followed by a holiday. As time went on though, I started to feel guilty that I would be having a public celebration with Ash, whilst Aidan and I were planning something that felt like it needed to be kept secret from our friends and family.

I wanted something that would feel more ‘equal’, and Aidan and Ash agreed that we should think of another plan. There were a few scenarios that came up, but each seemed to have some kind of problem. We thought about having two separate weddings, a few years apart, but we felt like the second wedding would be less special, and our friends and family would resent having to do it all again. We thought about having a big combined wedding, where the three of us would celebrate our coming together as a family. But the boys really wanted their own special day with me.

For a while, I felt like I didn’t want to have any kind of wedding at all. The whole thing is just an expensive waste of time anyway. But deep down, my childhood dream of wearing a beautiful white dress and walking down the aisle could not be suppressed. And a few weeks back, as I was having a conversation with Ash, we figured out the perfect scenario.

We will be having one wedding over two days – a weekend – with one day being dedicated to each partnership. This way, each of us have our special day. Friends and family members can chose to come to one of the days or both, so that Aidan’s family won’t have to sit through Ash’s wedding and vice-versa. Because it’s on the same weekend, guests won’t have to make extra travel arrangements, can wear the same clothes, and only need to buy one gift for the whole event. 16

Since coming up with this idea, the three of us have been pretty excited. It seems like we’ve found the perfect solution. I know that organising a wedding is not easy, and having one with three people instead of two will make it all the more complicated. But at the same time, having the chance to make everyone happy is worth the extra effort!

-Emma

Polyphobia…?

6No matter where you go or what you do in life, there will always be someone who will be offended or disgusted. Polyamory is no exception. I’ve come across a few ‘polyphobes’ in my time, and most of the time it doesn’t even bother me. In fact, closed-mindedness and unfounded anger tends to make me laugh.

But there’s one thing I just don’t get, and that’s how someone could be pro-gay and anti-poly.

JUST HOW. THE HYPOCRISY BLOWS MY MIND.

This isn’t just me venting about one dumb argument I had with someone, by the way. Out of all the polyphobes I’ve met, MOST of them were also pro-gay. It’s made me realise that when people say they are pro-equality, many actually just mean they are pro-whateveriscooltosupportatthemoment. It saddens me to think that ‘gay’ is just one more label that’s becoming accepted, rather than people themselves becoming more accepting.

The arguments I hear are the same that people use when comparing interracial marriage and gay marriage. “BUT IT’S DIFFERENT!!11”. Yeah… I guess it is a bit different, but it still doesn’t concern you. So um… kindly fuck off? Thanks.

-Emma

Shutting down blog

God, just when you think you know someone, you find out they’ve been lying to you the whole time. Turns out Aidan was just using me to get to Ashley.

I always new Ash was bisexual, but I never would have guessed Aidan was actually gay. I honestly didn’t suspect a thing. Out of the blue last night, the boys broke the news to me. They sat me down and said ‘we need to talk.’ At first I thought they were being silly. But as I listened on I knew it was all true. The signs were there, I just didn’t pick them up. All those times they blew me off to ‘play games together’…. All those dinners out where I was unknowingly the third wheel.

It’s funny, at first I was excited. I thought, ‘wow, we can have a delta triad where we all love each other!’. But it wasn’t long before it hit me. They didn’t want me to be apart of their new relationship.

Oh, come on. I didn’t really trick you did I? Don’t you know what the date is today? Also, in reality the boys are both straight as an arrow… thought I should clear that up!

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-Emma

Polyamory: a choice or hard-wired?

I hear a lot of poly people insist that they are ‘born this way’ and couldn’t ever be comfortable in a relationship with only one other person. But on the other end of the spectrum, there are plenty of couples out there who are happy just being monogamous, yet would also be prepared to let another join their family if it worked out that way.

I’ve given a lot of thought to this dichotomy over the years, and I still don’t know whether my own instance of polyamory is one or the other. On the one hand, I know that I can be happy in a monogomus relationship as I had been with Ash in the years before I met Aidan. But at the same time, I feel more at peace knowing I have the both of them to love me in their own way.

Since polyamory is still fairly new (and sometimes, completely unknown) to the wider public, there hasn’t been much research on the topic, let alone specific questions like this one. I think it would be really interesting to see a study on this; to see if polyamory can be chosen as a lifestyle preference, or if it’s more like a sexuality that you are born with. For me, I feel like I’m somewhere in the middle, but with some more self exploration I might start to lean to one side or the other. What about you? Post a comment and let us know if you are polyamorous by choice or hard-wired this way!

-Emma

Polyamory and break-ups

If your parents divorced when you were a kid, then you might have been through this before.

Two people you love, two members of your family, started drifting apart. It might have been because of a mistake someone made, or it might just have been something out of anyone’s control. It tore you apart to see those two people hurting. You wanted them to stay together, with you, as one big happy family. You wanted to watch the love grow the more it was shared.

The relationship ended. But maybe it was for the best.

Even though Rose is no longer in a relationship with Aidan, she is still part of our family. She became like a sister to me, and that can’t be undone.

-Emma