Accidentally an advocate

I won’t lie, I did consider shutting down this blog after I’d announced that Aidan and I broke up. But within hours of posting that blog entry, I got an email from someone on ABC local radio who wanted me to do an interview on polyamory. This wouldn’t be the first time someone has contacted me and asked me to talk about polyamory on a semi-official platform. And that’s when I realised that my experiences and opinions are still relevant to the poly community. Through creating this blog and making my story public, I’ve accidentally become an advocate of polyamory, and now I feel somewhat obligated to continue. Not that I don’t want to of course- there are so few people who are out there educating people about polyamory, and it’s something I want to see more of. Why not me?

I still have dozens of blog entry ideas. Polyamory is such a broad topic, and there is always more to learn. Even though I’ve let myself get a little slack with the frequency of updates, I’ve decided that there’s too much still to be said to not continue blogging!

As for the radio interview? I ultimately had to decline as I had a cold, and would have sounded terrible on air. But if things continue the way they have been, it probably won’t be the last time I have another chance to talk about polyamory.

-Emma

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How our family came to be (part 1/2)

It’s been a little over a year and I still haven’t written an entry about how Ash, Aidan and I came to be a polyamorous triad. Time to fix that!

Ash and I have been together since 2008. We were pretty young when we started going out, so we had that idealistic view of a future together – the white picket fence, the dog, the 2.5 kids, you get the idea. Back then, I would have said you were crazy if you told me I’d have another boyfriend 5 years later.

But, being young and having practically no other romantic/sexual encounters other than Ash made me think about what it would be like to date other people. Not that I was bored with Ash- far from it in fact. I was just curious about how different people had different things to offer in a relationship. I remember one day, Ash and I took a long walk on the beach and I opened up to him about this curiosity. To my surprise, Ash was very understanding about everything and didn’t immediately jump to the conclusion that I wanted to break up, as I’d thought he might do. In fact, he told me that he was open to the idea of me experimenting with other people, and didn’t see himself getting jealous.

So, I went ahead and experimented. There were a couple of short-term flings, mostly sexual in nature, but they were a little messy. I didn’t really know what I wanted from them, and neither of the two guys I was with knew how to deal with jealousy. Mistakes were made. We moved on.

All through this I was very aware of Ash’s feelings. I continuously asked him if he was okay with it, and was surprised every time he said yes. I’d lived in a society that told me no man could ever watch his girl get with someone else and not be overcome by jealousy. And here Ash was, genuinely okay with what I was doing. It blew my mind, to be honest.

It wasn’t until a couple of years later when I really started to discover what non-monogamy meant to me. The first lightbulb moment was when I first heard the word ‘polyamory’. I was listening to Triple J on the radio. The Hack program that night was talking about ‘strange love’, and polyamory was one of the topics. I listened intently as I learned what polyamory was, and heard some of the stories people were sharing. Everything just… clicked. I’d never understood something on such a very deep level. I downloaded the podcast and listened to it about four or five times over the next few days. I started to do some heavy research, scouring the web for anything polyamory related. A whole other world started to open up before me.

I had another lightbulb moment when I found this article on jealousy (I plan to make a more in depth blog entry about this article at a later date). When I read this, everything – again – just made so much sense to me and I felt like I was really starting to understand how polyamory could work in a practical sense. I shared my findings with Ash, and he enthusiastically agreed to give it a try.

Now, I didn’t go out looking for another partner, even though we’d both decided we were polyamorous. We were happy with our relationship as it was, and we both had work and study to keep us busy. We just sort of mutually agreed that it could work if some else were to join our family.

Enter Aidan.

Stay tuned for part 2!

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-Emma

One year of TTND!

I actually made an entry every month for a whole year!! (only just… some of my entries were posted in the last few hours of the month). Thanks to all my followers who have given me the motivation and inspiration to keep up with this. I have big plans for this blog over the coming year, so stay tuned!

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-Emma

Bar(r)ed Subjects talks about polyamory!

Man… Posting once a month shouldn’t be that hard. But apparently it is, because I’ve left it till the last second again.

Okay so last month, someone contacted me through my blog. I can now safely assume I have at least one reader. So this guy, Luke, runs a group in Hobart called Bar(r)ed Subjects, where a bunch of people get together over a monthly dinner and talk about stuff that opens their mind. Luke asked me to come along to the group and give a bit of a speech about what it’s like to be polyamorous.

Well… to be honest my first reaction was to decline. I may seem confident from the safety of behind my computer screen, but in real life I am not the type to do public speaking. I am, however, the type to know what I stand for, and to know what’s important to me. This was an opportunity to share an amazing part of my life, and to express why it’s important for others to have the option to explore this lifestyle.

The night went amazingly well. It helped that everyone there was prepared to hear things that challenged them, and came into it with an open mind. In fact, that’s kind of the whole point of the group. But it was still nice, and really refreshing, to be able to talk about something so openly that I usually have to hide, or occasionally get silently judged for.

Ash managed to find some time to come with me, so it was great to have someone there who could add things from a different perspective. Although I got a bit scared and lost my train of thought a couple of times, I managed to get my point across fairly smoothly and the rest of the night was spent enjoying the meal and answering the questions of the other group members.

I never set out to be an activist. But I dunno, it could be where I’m going. Polyamorists are a small minority, so we need whatever voice we can get to educate people and get them thinking about different ways of living and loving. Could I be that voice?

As always, thanks for reading. If I stop updating, don’t panic. It just means I’ve let my laziness get the best of me.

-Emma

Being polyamorous in Hobart, Australia

Ash, Aidan and I live in a small but slowly developing town called Hobart. It’s at the bottom of the world, quite literally. If you look at a map of Australia, you’ll notice Tasmania, the little triangle-shaped island south of the mainland. Almost at the very bottom of this island is Hobart. It’s a beautiful place and there are lots of great things about living here.

But one of the best things is that Tasmania is full of hippies progressive people. While not legalised yet, gay marriage is widely supported. It’s culturally diverse and everywhere you go there’s art, community projects and good food and wine. Being the place that it is, Hobart is a pretty damn convenient place to find yourself as a polyamorous person.

Don3‘t get me wrong, we do get some weird looks when we walk down the street hand-in-hand-in-hand. Polyamory is only just starting to come into the public eye, and a lot of people still don’t even know what it is. But for the most part, the residents here are pretty relaxed and easy going, and I like to think that’s not just because they’re all high on weed.

‘Coming out’ to our friends and family was actually pretty easy. Aside from a couple of people who were worried I was taking advantage of Ash, the news was quite well received. But I’m leaving the details of that story for another post :)

Thanks for reading!

-Emma