How our family came to be (part 2/2) – with an unexpected ending

No, it’s not a joke this time. Our time together as a triad has come to an end, but I am by no means monogamous now! I drafted today’s post quite a while ago, but when I started it, I had no idea the story would end with Aidan and I parting ways. But life is funny. It never turns out how you expect, you know? Here’s part two – the final chapter – of our story.

Aidan and I were very vague acquaintances online – he’d seen some of my artwork, and we’d crossed paths in various gaming communities. I’m not sure if it was a subconscious decision – or just coincidence – that around the time Ash and I decided we were polyamorous, Aidan and I started talking on Skype. A lot.

At the time, we lived on opposite ends of the state, so we began to video chat every day. We started to fall for each other very quickly. What came next was so perfect it seemed to come straight out of a romantic comedy. Aidan and I finally confessed our love for one another – and that very night, Ash came home and told me he had a job offer in Hobart. Where AIDAN LIVED!

It was almost too good to be true, but thankfully there was no big catch. Aidan and I started going on dates, and around the same time, Ash and Aidan started talking to each other. Having so many interests in common, they immediately became close friends. I was so happy I couldn’t even describe it. The two people I loved got along like a house on fire, and wanted to spend time together, both alone and with me. That’s when I realised this could really work. Having that respect for each other made communication and dealing with jealousy super smooth. A good foundation for a new poly family.

Not long after that, Aidan asked me out and we became an official polyamorous triad. I expected some awkwardness at first, but there was hardly any. We all settled into our new roles pretty comfortably. The honeymoon stage left us all glowing with happiness.

Like it does with every relationship, the NRE slowly wore off. But that was when we started seeing the relationship realistically, and we were all still happy with it. And that’s how it stayed for a long time.

On paper, the relationship was perfect. But there was an issue that kept coming up, and got more serious as time went on. And that was, that Aidan and I were just too similar. We are both passionate about our views and made them heard. We are both stubborn, and let little things get to us. The result was a lot of petty fights.

The relationship started out strong, and those fights didn’t bother us at first. But after three years together, I noticed some of those fights were stemming from deeper issues. And because we both have inflated egos, neither of us wanted to admit that we were wrong. When our emotional minds got in the way of our rationality, it became hard to communicate and we got into petty habits like getting jealous, stretching the truth and expecting each to read the other’s mind. These were all things I was aware I’d done in the past, and thought I’d overcome. But I guess being polyamorous doesn’t make you perfect, and it doesn’t stop your emotions from getting in the way.

Aidan was prepared to work on things and see if they got better, but I didn’t feel the same. I felt like if we continued, it might be better in the short term, but things would just revert back to being crap. And so I was the one who initiated the break up. That’s something I’ve never done before, and hoped never to do. It made things harder for Aidan, which played on my conscience a lot.

It’s now been about a month since we officially split. Things have started looking up for both of us. I feel like a weight’s been lifted off my shoulders, and I feel better about my decision now that the dust has settled. Things have been a little tense between us, but I think we can continue to be good friends in the long term.

Ash and I are still together and there haven’t been any issues between us throught the whole ordeal. In fact, Ash has been a godsend in that he’s been able to mediate and help us to keep the fights from getting too bad. That’s just one more benefit to polyamory- Aidan’s had a close friend and I’ve had a loving partner to help us through the split.

So, that’s the lowdown. It’s not that polyamory doesn’t work; I wouldn’t even say it’s not for me. It’s just a chapter in my life that ended in an unexpected way. But it’s made me grow as a person – cliché, but true. I’ve learned a lot about myself I couldn’t have ever learned in monogamy. And I think I can speak for Aidan when I say he has, too.

Polyamory is still part of who I am – having only one partner doesn’t make me any less poly than being single makes you less hetero or homosexual. And for that reason I plan to continue posting on TTND, but perhaps a little less often. See you around!

-Emma

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Emotional support and polyamory

So far most of my blog posts have been lighthearted stories or resources, with some sarcasm thrown in to disguise my lack of writing skills. But today I’m going to write about something a little different, and a lot more personal to me. Like many women, I have pretty low self esteem when it comes to body image. Combine that with an unhealthy relationship with food and you get an eating disorder.

Being in a polyamorus relationship makes my issues both easier and harder to deal with at times. On one hand, I have two men constantly telling me how beautiful and wonderful I am. But on the other hand, I sometimes have thoughts like “with the way I look, I don’t deserve having two amazing partners.”

The great thing about being polyamorous is that you have twice (or three or four times) as much support. Between the two guys and Aidan’s backward-ass work hours, I have 24 hour access to someone who I can cuddle or talk to about personal stuff. But the best part is that each of the guys have their own way of supporting me. Ash will make cute faces, say silly things to make me laugh, and play games with me to take my mind of things. Aidan will have deep conversations with me and help me get to the core of what’s bothering me. He’ll stay level-headed when my emotional side gets the best of me and offer me practical solutions. Thanks to my two lovely boys, I get the best of both worlds.

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‘Till next time!

-Emma